(Un) Dear Weather,
Let me start by reminding you what a good girl I have been in the past few years.
I learnt how to wear scarves and woolly tights and polo necks even though they itch;
I made sure to talk about you every time I found myself in an elevator with a stranger;
I even got myself a hot pink umbrella and a trench coat and cute Topshop wellies.
So I was a bit disappointed when you decided to take our long lost friend the sun to the Bahamas last year and leave us here with that joke of a summer.
2007 came and went and I still didn’t wear half the cute sundresses I so lovingly and impulsively bought.
But hey, I thought, everyone is entitled to mess up once in a while and maybe you had more important things on your mind, like global warming and greenhouse gases and maybe even girlfriend problems as well.
So imagine my utter and complete shock when I found out today that you might not be sending us the sun this year again.I am trying very very hard to remain calm and not threaten our beautiful friendship.
But, helooo? Is it personal? What has Britain done to you to deserve this?
Did we call your mum a whore? Did we beat your team at cricket? Don’t you like Queen Elizabeth? What about Queen Westwood, for God’s sake?
(P.S. This letter was edited after being posted as, on a second look, the original version did not make much sense. Blame it on the anger. Or the wine)